Cappucino Yoghurt Fail and OMG I ate fish!

The first batch of cappucino yoghurt was a bit of a bust.  Didn't set quite as well as I wanted, and was VERY strong - I think I put far too much espresso in it!  So, I'm going to have a fiddle with the ratios over the weekend and try another batch to see if I can improve on it.

In other breaking news...I ate fish and actually liked it!  Last night we had the trevalla fillets with baby spinach and cherry tomatoes and to my surprise, it was actually REALLY good.  I'm usually an avid fish avoider, but I've been finding this week that there are a lot of things that I "don't like" that actually taste really good when prepared well.  Mind you, I think the kids' heads are spinning with the variety - one of my sons said to me yesterday "Mummy, you don't have to make a NEW RECIPE for dinner every night!"

First Weigh In - Yee Haw!

And if I may toot my own horn just a little - YEE HAW 1KG DOWN!  I was quite surprised, because I fell off the wagon a bit over the weekend - yes Mish, you can stick your boot in my bum, I did have a little bit of a "last hurruh".  I was expecting maybe 500g if I was lucky!

I discovered the most delicious yoghurt yesterday - if you love yoghurt and coffee, The Yoghurt Shop make an absolutely stunning cappucino yoghurt!  Sadly, it's over 200 calories per tub :(.  But, fear not...I'm going to have a crack at reproducing a low fat, lower calorie version with the EasiYo tonight - so far looks like it would work out around 165 cals.  Mmmmmmmmm, coffee yoghurt...

In other news, I made the miraculous discovery that not only do I have triceps, they hurt like hell when I push it at pump the night before.  I've woken up this morning accompanying all my movements with a lilting "owwwww".  Which, I suppose, is good...right?  Good pain, good pain!

Kick off!

Ok guys...this is IT!  Day 1 of the rest of my life and all that.

Breakfast wasn't vastly different to my usual, but that freaky tabouli wrap stole half an hour of my morning getting it all ready - note to self: PRE PREPARE!  I'll have to make sure I go through tomorrow's menu tonight before bed, so I'm more organised.  That said, once I did get down to making it, it was actually super easy and something I think we'll do again.

The wrap was awesomely yummy, but sadly I'm still hungry :(.  I'm still feeling really disorganised and like I haven't really "caught up" with it all, but so far, it's feeling like a good start to the program.  My heart rate monitor arrived this morning, just in time for Body Attack tonight.  I'm a bit daunted by having to hit the gym every night - more because of how much time that's taking out of my evening than anything else!

Is that me? Really? Does it have to be?

ARGGGHHHH!


This morning I took a deep breath, stripped off to bra and knickers, and had my hubby do my "before" shorts for the 12 Week Body Transformation program.  I'm doing my measurements tonight and, being a seamstress, I'm not nearly so distressed about those.  I measure myself semi-regularly when making garments, so I'm already aware that my waist over hip ratio is horrible, that I have wide hips and a huge bust.

But oh...oh when you LOOK at it in all it's digital photographic glory, it's horrible!  I looked at my before pictures, and have had another moment this morning of really struggling to see the potential in the raw material.  I've lost 10kg for goodness sake and I still look this awful?  And that ricotta cheese tummy flab, just what am I meant to do about that???

It's made me realise just how much I have my work cut out for me over the next 12 weeks.  I not only want to lose at least 12kg - I want to be able to take pictures at the end of that which don't make me want to gouge my eyes out with a bar of soap!

Bring on Monday, I say!

My first 5km race!

Just before the race

This weekend just gone I achieved my first running goal - completing a 5km course with no walking!  To say I was stoked with myself is a complete understatement.  It was a major milestone for me not just physically, but mentally.

I realised while watching Chanel 10's The Biggest Loser that a big part of my problem has been in my head, not in my legs, lungs or heart!  My body CAN do more than I've been asking of it, if I am prepared to push it.  So, I went into the race with a "no excuses, no buts" attitude.  Not "I am going to try to make it the whole way", but "I will run 5km".  No try.  Just do.

Was it hard?  You bet.  It was the hardest run I've done to date - I've never pushed myself that hard in training before.  In fact, I spent the final 200 meters just visualising myself collapsing on the grass just past the finish line and how awesome that would feel.  For the km prior to that, I was picturing the contestants in the most recent The Biggest Loser episode pulling those City  Rail trains and screaming to myself mentally I am a warrior!

My official time was 40:33.  I'm now training to run a 10km in about 3 months time, but hoping to do at least one more 5km race before then, with a time of 35minutes or less. 

Perspective...

Perspective.  It's a funny thing.  I had a really down day a week or so again - I'd lost over 8kg, and it felt like nobody had noticed.  In fact, to be brutal, most people probably hadn't, other than my constant harping on about it.  And you know why?  From their perspective, I still fit fairly and squarely into the "fat chick" box.

Have you ever noticed how we tend to categorise people?  Men and women, blonde and brunette, child and adult, fat and thin.  It's an essential instinct built in to our brains, to stop them from becoming overwhelmed.  So when you're waiting to meet your 170cm, slender girlfriend for a coffee, it's much easier to keep an eye out for her if your brain is shutting out anything not in the "female, tall, slender" categories.

And let's face it, even at 8kg down, with over 22kg to go...I'd still be firmly in the "fat chick" filter of most people's brains.  And that felt extremely depressing.

BUT!  From MY perspective...

• Being puffed now means I'm working hard at training, not getting out of breath just living my life
• I've bought three new pairs of pants in the last month, and dropped a size
• I eat better food that doesn't leave my body feeling sluggish and lethargic

So.  This is MY weight loss journey for ME and I need to start looking at my progress from MY perspective.  Not anyone else's and whatever filters their brain might need to apply.  I'm going to keep reminding myself that weight loss is about what changing my body means to me, my life and my family.